Justice for Short People

Note: While I do not deny race is an issue in our society, most of this piece should be taken as seriously as Jonathan Swift’s proposal to eat Irish babies. That being said, the statistics about short people are true.

 

As someone who is short, I can no longer sit quietly while our inherently discriminatory world continues to treat vertically challenged people as second class citizens. On my college campus I constantly encounter brave students standing up against our racist professors and battling against ingrained white privilege in our society. I can proudly say that these difference makers are beginning to win the fight against white people who don’t feel constant guilt for being born white.

But another great injustice exists in our world, eclipsed in seriousness only by our inherently racist society. I am talking of course about heightism. Short people in our world are at a grave disadvantage in life. It is well known that it is the taller person who gets the girl, gets the job, gets the promotion and yes, even wins the presidential elections. The result is that shorter people are in fewer leadership positions and earn less than their tyrannically tall counterparts. There are some who even suggest that shorter people are less intelligent than taller people! These are all grave injustices and are rooted in blatant height discrimination.

Surely, you say, these height discriminators do not go unpunished. But they do! The oppressive higher class scoffs at the short, constantly jesting about their height based disabilities. It is far too common for a tall person to say to his short neighbor “wow, you’re really short” and yet never even be called out for such heightism! There is not even a law that bans such injustice.

So how are we to right these wrongs? I will make some modest proposals. 1) Call on congress to outlaw height discrimination by mandating that all companies have an average workforce height that is equivalent to the average height of all Americans. 2) To provide immediate justice, force all employers to give preference to short people over tall people so that the short can more quickly catch up in earning power. 3) To eliminate height issues in future generations, force tall women/men to breed with short men/women so that our society can be more equal in height in the future. For too long tall people have bred with tall people, and short people with short, perpetuating the injustice inherent in our system. 

These proposals may be small, but they are a good start.

Short people of the world, UNITE!

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